Wednesday, November 8, 2006

I don't know why or how I let people do this to me. I'm so upset. So mad. Just plain pissed off right now.

Why is it so easy for me to just give in sometimes and let people get me worked up and make me feel this way??
I feel useless, like there is no way to make myself feel any better about this.
I'm trying really hard to not let it bother me, but once again it does. Once again, it wins.
It's always going to, too.
It's not fair, I have no control over it when it is clearly something that involves me. Maybe I shouldn't have control.. but I should be given some sort of heads up. Some kind of clue.
Just say it. Just be straight with me. I'm not fragile, I'm not going to break. Really.
I promise.

I wish I had somebody, somewhere, anywhere, that could just always make me feel better when I'm sad like this. Someone who at least wanted a shot at trying..
Someone who would give me a great big hug and a kiss on the forehead because I'm frustrated, and they know that's what I need.

I know that to be upset about something completely unrelated, and to wish for a someone seems trivial. But I just really could use that right now.
Even just knowing that I have the security of the feelings of someone who cares about me in that way would help right now.
It's so hard to find, and so much harder to keep.
I hate getting used to having it, and then having it taken away. Or just feeling like it's gone.
:( where is it? I want to find it..

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