"If someone told me that the love of my life was living back home or in Vancouver waiting for me, I'd stop this sentence here, grab a bag and head for the airport. I'm not sure whether it's fortunate or not that love is much more complicated than that."
I am not made out for the love thing... Drinks on me..
"Let's run away together"
(you hardly know me)
"I know all I need to know"
(one of my favourite quotes, it appears in many blogs)
[I apologize if at some points, in the midst of my rambling, it begins to not make much sense]
I was about to jump into bed last night when an IM popped up from J. We hadn't really talked for a while so I decided to stay up and chat for a bit. (A bit turned into almost 9 AM *rolls eyes* I have no self control)
I was kind of getting annoyed because he kept bringing up how if I had moved closer to him, instead of here then we may be "together" right now *cue eye roll, once more*.[BtW, I love the assumption that not only would I be all up for that, but that there is no one else in my life, when all summer, until he turned into obsessive crazy guy, there was. Plus Mr. TK who somehow managed to make his way into my thoughts everyday and drive me crazy, :) in a good way.. and still does..]
Plus, I'm not about to move to a city, and change my life around for a guy unless we're 100% sure about being together. Even then, if he really wants to be with you, and only you, he'll wait until it works for both of you.I've changed my life around completely for someone once before and I ended up with a broken heart. I'm not about to put myself in the position to be hurt that way again.
Before I sent away my acceptance for college, my mom questioned my motives for staying in the Dirty W, and she was right to do it. I was staying for him. I knew at the time it was a stupid decision, and that was confirmed by how it turns out. I denied it to her then and I can't bring myself to ever admit it.
It hurts alot when you think you're in love with someone and he tells you "fine, if you go away for school, we're over," and then to end up apart anyway.
The conversation eventually made it's way to me explaining to him why it never would have worked out between us anyway, there's no reason why I shouldn't tell him and I have no problem being straightforward.
Needless to say, he was slightly offended, not that they were irrational,or untrue reasons, which he knew. They were completely reasonable assumptions based on past experiences, which he is still debating with me, but it really doesn't matter now.
Then we started talking about the summer and our dating experiences and he came to the conclusion that, even though there were plenty of women interested in him, he wasn't interested in dating or being in a relationship and probably wouldn't be for a very long time. [lmao, then why say something about us being together? that really doesn't make sense don't you think...just saying.]
I don't think that's what my problem is.
I just hate dating. I hate the actual process of going on a date.
I can hang out with somebody for the longest time, even to the point where there's the understanding that we're "together" (although you have to point that out to me... lmao, apparently I'm oblivious) and as soon as you call it dating, or we go on an official date, it's over. It ruins things. It never fails. It's a proven fact. I'm cursed. It doesn't matter how long we've been hanging out, or how comfortable we are with each other, as soon as it hits that point, I ruin it. I have yet to find a guy that can make me feel comfortable in both situations.
I know that when I do, he's probably the right guy for me.
I know I could just assume that I'm all grown up and mature, but that's really not it. I've been on enough dates, with enough different people to know that it doesn't matter who I'm with, or what we're doing, if it's a date, it's not going to work for me, and if eventually I do find something that works for me, I should probably stick with it. :)
Essentially, technically speaking, it sucks :P LoL
I love being single and I love being in a relationship equally as much, but I don't know if I'll ever get to that point again, as much as I care about certain people and just wish that I could.
I love having someone to think about, to come home to, to cuddle with, to wake up next to, to talk to, and to goof around with. There is nothing I love more.
Thank God for time.
Maybe I just need more than what I've allowed myself, and really, when you think about it, I have more than enough of it before I can realistically even be in a relationship.
[527 days, until I graduate, in case anybody is counting... lol]
Unless somewhere down the line, I fall for someone, and they don't mind having to travel 6 hours to see me once in a while, and they don't mind not being able to see me, more than one weekend a month, when I come home.
It's hard for any long term relationship to get to the point where both parties feel secure in a long distance relationship, let alone a relationship that is just beginning.So I'm sure, when you decide that it's going to be a long distance relationship, it's something you know you're going to want to stick with.
If I knew that I had found "the one" and that I would fall for him head over heels, I couldn't help but put everything into it that I could. I would probably do anything for him. (lol, refer to the first paragraph)
I'm in love with the idea of love, I can't help it, I'm a romantic.