Thursday, January 11, 2007

"We promise according to our hopes and perform according to our fears."

Be careful what you wish for, you just may get it.I complained about North Bay and sincerely did not want to be here, wished I could go home without taking into consideration how much I love what I'm studying and how I can't do it back home. Now I'm all packed and heading home in the morning because of circumstances beyond my control.I'm losing something I really loved..Now I just have to wait and see what is going to happen I suppose.

I say it all the time, but now that I have to apply it to myself, the cliche becomes a little hard to swallow, "Everything happens for a reason." I have to believe it. I did believe it.
Before it felt like my life was falling apart at the seams faster than I can react to it.

I hear karma is a bitch.
Although I have no idea what I've done for all of this to happen. Perhaps I'm looking at it from the wrong perspective. Perhaps I can't think of it as happening for a reason and as karmic all at the same time.I haven't done anything to "deserve" this persay.
What I did do was work really hard to get here and work really hard to stay here only to have it not work out in the end.

It's so incredibly frustrating.It's that feeling of having everything and waking up with nothing.
Promises.We make them all the time, most of us on a daily basis. We make them to ourselves, to others, to nobody imparticular..
"We promise according to our hopes and perform according to our fears."

Now what?
I have no plan.
I have no ideas.
I have nothing now..